WE'D LOVE TO HIRE YOU. BUT AI ALREADY DID YOUR JOB.
Honestly? We don't really have work to hand out. Our AI systems handle lead generation, analytics reporting, workflow automation, client onboarding, content creation, deployment, and even this careers page.
But hey — if you still want to apply, we admire your optimism.
⏳ AUTOMATING REMAINING HUMAN TASKS...
Why You Should Shouldn't Work Here
We offer world-class benefits for doing absolutely nothing. It's like retirement, but with Slack notifications.
UNLIMITED COFFEE BUDGET
Because you'll need it to keep up with our AI. Just kidding — the AI doesn't even drink coffee. You literally have nothing to do.
365 DAYS OF PTO
Every day is a day off when the robots are running the show. We call it 'strategic human optimization.' HR calls it unemployment.
WORK FROM ANYWHERE
Beach, mountains, space station — it doesn't matter. The AI won't notice you're gone. It never did.
ZERO HOUR WORK WEEK
Tim Ferriss wrote about the 4-hour work week. We read it, laughed, and automated the remaining 4 hours too.
GREAT TEAM CULTURE
Our team meetings are just two humans watching dashboards update themselves. We high-five sometimes. It's very emotional.
CUTTING-EDGE TECH
You'll work with the latest AI models. And by 'work with,' we mean watch them work. And by 'you,' we mean nobody. It's all automated.
Current "Openings"
We've created some roles for the sake of our humanity. Responsibilities are flexible. Very, very flexible.
Your job is to exist. Show up on Zoom once a month so the AI knows humanity is still around. Smile occasionally.
- Ability to breathe
- Basic understanding of what 'work' used to mean
- Comfortable with existential uncertainty
- Must own at least one hoodie
Monitor the AI systems. If they become sentient, press the red button. If there's no red button, improvise.
- 1+ years of staring at screens
- Must NOT try to 'improve' the AI — it's fine
- Able to distinguish between a bug and a feature
- Panic management certification preferred
We still have meetings because it makes us feel productive. Your job is to nod thoughtfully and say 'that's a great point' at random intervals.
- Expert-level nodding ability
- Must have strong 'hmm, interesting' energy
- Webcam with good lighting (non-negotiable)
- 0 years of relevant experience required
OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY —
WE DO LOVE HUMANS.
Look, we're a two-person founding team that genuinely believes AI should amplify humans, not replace them. We built Slowbros because we think businesses deserve better than bloated agencies and cookie-cutter solutions.
If you're someone who thinks differently, builds obsessively, and wants to shape the future of how businesses operate — we'd actually love to hear from you. No fake job titles, we promise.
STILL WANT IN?
WE RESPECT THAT.
Drop us an email. Tell us what you're great at, what you're obsessed with, and why you'd want to work at a company where AI does most of the heavy lifting. Seriously — impress us.
* The AI will probably read it first, but we'll get to it eventually.